From the Ground Up

Keeping Dad Posted

2011-03-23T21:15:00.000-07:00

One of the many reasons I love homeschooling is that everyday life can be used for learning. This past week, for example, we were able to really focus on writing - in a fun and non-schoolish way. In fact, I never even told the kids that we were "writing" - or that we were doing "school!"

Here's what we did...

Dad was out of town for work. That meant two things: he wasn't going to get his daily newspaper and he wasn't going to be around for whatever we were doing. The solution was obvious... make him a newspaper!

First, we took a gander at the newspaper. We observed that it was divided into sections and that the sections were divided into articles. We also observed that the journalists used short and catchy titles for their articles and that they wrote about real-life events. Then we discussed how journalists answer the 5 W's - Who, What, When, Where, and Why. My son pointed out that "how" was a good question too!

Over the next two days, after we drafted an outline for our newspaper and decided on a title for the paper, the kids each wrote an article per day for Daddy's newspaper.

The newspaper, or rather, At Home Times, ended up being 2 pages. The front page news featured the most exciting event - a roadrunner in our neighborhood! Also, from the pictures you can see that they even included a 5-day forecast (in case Daddy wanted to golf) and a comic strip. Daddy loved his newspaper. And the kids were super proud of their work.

The best part of the whole project? Not one complaint!

Lessons in Love

2011-02-18T19:15:00.000-08:00

Our family devotion on Valentine's Day was a lesson in love. Aside from the obvious reading of 1 Corinthians 13, I borrowed an idea from a post at The Homeschool Mom. It was the perfect visual for what I wanted to communicate. I won't ruin the post by trying to summarize it. You can just read it for yourself here. It's worth a gander. Go on.

The idea was so wonderful that love has been in the air since Valentine's. My kids actually "get it" now. They get that love is an action. That love is an attitude. A gesture. A helping hand. A kind word. A friendly touch. A small gift.

Mostly, they got what I wanted them to get. That mom needs love too.

Well...

2011-01-02T21:34:00.000-08:00

I guess the New Year would be the perfect time to start blogging again IF someone were to blog again.

There's no real reason why I shouldn't.

Maybe I'll give it one more shot. See what happens.

Hmmmm...

2010-08-31T22:21:00.001-07:00

On Second Thought

2009-10-01T14:05:00.000-07:00

This morning little Paul declared, "Mom, you're the best mom in the whole world!"

Then he thought about it and decided to revise his statement.

"Well, I mean you're one of the best moms in the whole world."

I guess that can mean only two things:

1. I can't pretend to be perfect anymore. Apparently, he already sees right through that facade.

2. All of you are some of the best moms in the world too.

Cheers! To some of the best moms I know!

The Lie

2009-09-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last few weeks in need of some encouragement and affirmation. I guess I just want to know that what I'm doing is right. That I'm on track. That God really did speak to me. That God really did call on me, choose me, decide on me.

Conversations I've had, books I've read, quotes that I've stumbled upon or that have been shared with me have been echoing in my mind.  They've been confirming my convictions, challenging my motives, molding my plans.

Then my morning devotion read, "He highly esteems those who choose to believe His call over the paralyzing screams of their own insecurities."

My journaling exposed the lie.  God might change His mind about me. I've been letting this lie discourage me.  I've let this lie welcome doubt and fear. Yes, others might change their minds about me. My failures, inconsistencies, over confidence, arrogance, rash judgments, imperfections... will cause others to doubt me, scoff at me, question me, roll their eyes at me. But God won't change His mind about me.

Because you see, God knows I'm not perfect. God knows I'll fail. God knows I'll make mistakes.  He doesn't find his hope in me. And praise God for that! Moreover, God knows the completed work that will come from my obedience. The things I can't see, He sees. Long after I die, God will continue to use what He started with me.

My hope then is that I can inspire others to pick up a torch, start a movement, blaze a trail and then let that be the legacy they leave to their children - to carry on the work of the Lord.

What legacy will you leave? I promise, it's impossible for God to change His mind about you.

Good Grief!

2009-09-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

It's back. Grief is back. It's been a slow realization on my part, but it's back. Over the past few weeks I've been one or many of these things: moody, irritable, gloomy, irrational, sad, depressed. angry. All out of the blue. I'm fine one minute, crying the next.

I know that part of this round with grief is me just missing my brother, but there's a new aspect to this grief too. Some of you may recall our journey with M. She was my step-niece. My older brother's wife's daughter. Did you get that? Well, taking her in came at a great cost to us.  For me, I lost another brother. My older brother hasn't talked to me for 6 months. He's angry, bitter, sad... whatever, but at me, his little sister. I didn't get really sad about this until a few days after my birthday when I suddenly realized that he didn't call me. He ALWAYS calls to wish me a happy birthday. Always.

So I've been pondering over this "cost," re-learning that the price we pay for Christ is high.

Big picture, I don't know the plans God has for M. Or why God chose to use us. Truth is, I may never know. But I do know that it cost me a relationship with my brother. Moreover, I know that I am blamed, talked about, disliked, and accused falsely of things that are not my fault. And it hurts.  Actually, I've been thinking that it pretty much sucks.

Yet God has been faithful to remind me of His promises. On Saturday He reminded me of Matthew 5:10-12,

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in Heaven...

He also encouraged me to keep loving my brother, to keep praying for him, that he (my brother) would see with his eyes, hear with his ears, understand with his heart and turn, to be healed by God. Matthew 13:15

Then yesterday he reminded me of two things. First, that God honors obedience. A friend shared with me that her husband came to know Christ and that she was the one who led him through prayer. That made my day!! My week!! God honored her obedience with an eternal gift - her husband's salvation!

Secondly, all of this grief is not without purpose. Because of it, and through it, He has called me to build up a new generation. To set tiny feet on solid ground layed by truth and delivered from the hands of Satan. No doubt, it will continue to cost me. But praise God! Because in the end, when I'm standing in the presence of God, this is promised to me...

To him who is thirsty I will give drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. Revelation 21:6

Chew on this.

2009-09-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

There is nothing more powerful in history than being a great mother or father...

Oliver and Rachel Demille

A Thomas Jefferson Education

I read this last Wednesday and it's still blowing my mind away.

Lord, what an honor, what a priviledge it is to be a parent for two of your precious children. What a gift you've granted me, that I have this opportunity, this moment in history, to alter the future of our world. To send into society a young man and woman who are committed to your word, led by your teachings, and dedicated to the service of others. Grant me your wisdom and understanding, patience and compassion, strength and endurance to teach, discipline and shepherd them. Help me to fill their hearts with the values and love of Christ. Bless my efforts and correct my mistakes. Remind me daily of my committment to you - to raise my children in a Godly home, built on a foundation of truth, saturated in your word, surrounded by your love and guided by your Spirit.

I'm 30!

2009-08-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

I know, some of you are thinking what? only 30?

I get that a lot. But yes, I am, or will be, depending on when you read this, 30.

Yikes! I've actually felt pretty good about it. Not old. Not sad. I've been excited. I mean, I'm barely 30 years old. That's young. Isn't it? Sure it is. Compared to others. Like my husband.

Anywho, we're off to Vegas. I have a big weekend planned. Comedy show, dancing, spa, pool, dancing, pool... oh, and friends. I can't forget my friends. Friends make everything better.

Wish me fun!

Summer is almost over.

2009-08-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

I know. Technically, summer is not over until the first day of autumn. Yet, all of us parents know that summer, for us, is over when school starts. Right? Right. So, summer is almost over.

Although I'm terribly sad for summer to end, (because I've had a fabulous summer), I'm super excited for school to start. I've been very busy with meetings and lesson planning and organizing and I'm almost ready. I hope. You know how it is, you start one project and another one creeps up. Story of my week.

Anywho. That's not what I wanted to write about. What I wanted to share about was my summer reading. It's been a great 2 months of reading. I've read:

The Glass Castle

Same Kind of Different as Me

Both memoirs. Both great.

The Road

My Sister's Keeper

The Time Traveler's Wife

All great. All movies.

And then I started one of my "Bucket List" items. To read through the classics!

Pride and Prejudice

Wuthering Heights

Great Expectations

All good. A little hard to get into, but once I was in, I was in. Next up in the classics: Don Quixote.

Friends, that is 8 books total that I've read. Now if that's not a great summer, I don't know what is!

My Reality Homeschool...

2009-08-18T21:10:00.001-07:00

will no longer be found on this blog. I started another blog, appropriately titled "My Reality Homeschool."

So go there. I even have a follower already! Thanks Amber at Definitely Maybe.

But before you leave, you may be wondering, what will happen to this blog? I don't know. I'll try to juggle the two, but that could get kind of overwhelming. Homeschool just seems to be the 'thing' I want to share right now. I'm super excited about my year and super excited to start sharing it. So, we'll see.

I know that not all of you homeschool, but still check me out once in a blue moon. Maybe some of you moms will stumble upon some ideas or inspiration for your preschoolers. Or better yet... maybe some of you might even find yourself considering homeschool for your family.

Hey! You never know.

Joyful

2009-08-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

That's me.

I've been telling friends that I must have never had joy to be so suddenly aware of my present joy. I can't keep from smiling. I can't help sharing about my joy. I can't stop thinking about my joy. I'm in a constant state of excitement. I feel like me again, only more like me. Does that make sense? It's like I'm the newest version of me - still me, just improved. Like the newest appliance or latest software .

Praise God, yes?

He's been faithful to transform. He's given me new ways. New eyes, new hands, new feet, a new heart. (New vision, new work, new direction, new passion.) I am full of joy! Joyful.

And the one thing that keeps me on the edge of my seat is this: He's not done! Whether it's one, two, three, or ten years from now, there will be a new edition of me. He will continue to change me, improve me, transform me.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth (grief) and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:10-12

Happy Belated Birthday

2009-08-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

Anna turned 5 this past Friday!

It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in the hallway of the hospital (in labor) waiting for a room to open up. It's amazing how quickly time passes. From one milestone to the next. All in the blink of an eye. Just a couple more days and she'll be 13!

It was a sweet birthday.

And I mean that literally. I hosted a "Sweet-tastic and Sugar-riffic" party. Only yummy treats and candies were served. Easy, fun, and of course sweet!

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

Momma loves you.

Our summer has been...

2009-08-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

fun at the beach

leftover pizza for breakfast

poolside Bloody Mary's

camping and exploring with friends

Disneyland magic

swimming with cousins...

and more! Has it really been over a month since I last posted? Unfortunately I don't have the time to give details on the more, but let's just say that I have plenty to write. I'm excited to share it all!

Hope everyone's having an awesome summer!

My Big Day of Nothing

2009-07-03T12:50:00.001-07:00

Vacation is officially over. Yesterday marked our last day of planned events and today life was supposed to resume. Yet for some reason I've been unable to resume anything. I have a list of things to do today -

clean bathrooms

finish laundry

call service providers

buy groceries

go to Target/Alin Party Supply -

and I can say that none of them have been checked off. Not one. Instead, I have spent all day doing nothing. Allow me to prove myself.

I woke up at 7:00 and layed there for an hour. I got out of bed grabbed a meal bar and a glass of milk and sat in bed eating. Then I picked up my book and started reading -

kids woke up and practically fed themselves

hubby kissed me goodbye while I was still in bed, reading

kids played in living room, while I lay in bed, reading

kids climbed into my bed and watched cartoons while I lay in bed, reading

kids took turns brushing my hair, while I lay in bed, reading -

upon completing my book little Paul turned to me and said, "Mom, I think it's lunch time." And by gosh, I'd have you know, he was right! It was lunch time. I managed to get my lazy butt out of bed, start lunch, make a couple of phone calls and write a couple of emails, and then just as I decided to go wash up I gazed over at my kitchen counter and saw my homemade chocolate chip cookie dough cake, and I knew that if I didn't finish it right then and there that I'd be finishing it late tonight (and we all know that it's better to eat cake in the middle of the day then at nighttime right before bed). So...

Now I sit in front of my computer, playing games and writing this. I wonder if I'll ever accomplish my list of to-do's? I mean, there's always tomorrow.

By the way, vacation was mah-velous. I plan on posting pic's soon. Until then, I encourage you to do nothing. We all deserve a day of nothing once in a while.

Greetings from La Quinta

2009-06-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

I had a few minutes and wanted to jot down a few words for my friends out there...

Right now, the hubby is golfing, the kids are super excited about going to the resort's Kids' Camp, and I'm almost jumping out of my skin I'm so ecstatic about spending the day at the spa!! All.By. Myself.

Deep sigh.

I'll be getting an 80 minute facial (I thought, why have just 50 minutes of fabulous?) and if they have an opening I'm thinking about splurging on a pedicure. I wish you could see my face right now. I'm glowing. And that's before I even get my facial.

Big smile.

Oh! And Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T12:49:00.000-07:00

I momentarily forgot that I was posting that last post on Father's Day. You see what my husband has to put up with? All me. All the time. Me, me, me!

Dear Honey Bear,

Thank you for going out every day, earning the bucks, keeping food in the fridge, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our head. Thank you for doing all the things I can't. Like, flipping the kids over your head and throwing them down on the bed. Playing catch and climbing trees. Conquering computer games and conducting Jedi training. And thank you for also doing the things that I can. Like reading books and coloring. Playing play-dough and dancing. You are an amazing daddy and we love you very, very, much! Happy Father's Day.

Looking Ahead

2009-06-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

M leaving us is bittersweet. Even though we're terribly sad for her - sad that she couldn't stay with us, where there's some stability and safety - we're also very relieved.

I hope that doesn't sound bad. I realize that without knowing the whole story it might be hard to imagine how we could be relieved. But we are.

We're just looking forward to being 'us' again. A family of four. Mom, dad, sister and brother.

Now one of two things can happen right now. I can either share all about our experience with M - what we learned, how we were blessed - or I can share all about what we got planned for our summer - just the four of us...

I choose to look ahead. I'm too tired to reflect. And I bet you all are tired of reading about my reflections!

Tomorrow we leave for vacation! Just the four of us!! We're off to Palm Springs for 4 days and 3 nights then back home to pick up our dog and camping gear to go camping for 3 days! Then, on the very same day that we get back from camping we're headed off to a pool party to cap off our vacation. But, it doesn't end there. No sir! My hubby's brother and family are coming out to Cali from Utah and we'll be hitting the beach, movies, mountains, Disneyland... fun, fun, fun! Then, my kids will be going to camp for a whole week.

I imagine that I won't be blogging much. I'll try. But, you know how summer can get. All hot and fun and whatnot. If I'm not around for the next 3 weeks, enjoy your first weeks of summer!

Toodles...

Updates on grief, my blog, and M. They all go together.

2009-06-18T14:27:00.000-07:00

My brother's death, though tragic and sad, did not come as a surprise. It had been said that one of two things would happen to him. We were all waiting. And then one of them happened. He died.

I don't think this fact made his death easier to process. In a lot of ways it actually made it harder. There was guilt over the thought of ever having predicted his death in the first place, shame because his life wasn't expected to end any other way, and anger - lots of it - because it all seemed so selfish. But as those first days turned into weeks, then months, grief became wretchedly sad.

The grief book I read said that often times grief over a death becomes the catalyst for grieving over other buried hurts and losses. It is that natural human response that I believe God used to begin something new. Suddenly I was not only grieving the loss of my brother, but the loss of my childhood. And in that grief I began to see all the lies, deceit, sin, and secrecy that my family had spent generations trying to hide. Carefully, they swept it all under the carpet, hoping that no one would ever discover their dirt. Yet, twenty-some years later, there I was, standing on a mound of carpet, my tears making mud puddles beneath my feet. Eventually I realized that I had the power to end the cycle. I had a Savior who wanted to redeem my life. I had a Savior that wanted to take the old and make it new. He wanted to sweep away the dirt and build a new foundation for my family.

That's the banner this Blog waves. Indeed, now is the time to build!

Funny thing, though. What I thought God was going to do for my family ended up being much more. Isn't that just like Him? Always doing more then we had expected or hoped for? With just one unexpected circumstance God began to use what he was building in my life to build in other places too.

M, our step-niece that's been living with us, went to live with her grandma today. That's all I can say about that. (For now.) I'm sad. Suddenly, five months later, and it's all over. What God called us to do, we did. Whether or not He's finished is a journey to be had later. I don't know if or when we'll ever see her again, but I know these 3 things:

She leaves with a Bible.
She leaves with the knowledge that God loves her and cares about her.
She leaves with truth.

Our foundation was used to "build" her, and although it doesn't seem like much was built, I trust that God knows what He's doing. Whatever tiny seeds we planted, whatever cracks we repaired or dirt we swept away, God is faithful to use. I've prayed for Him to bless our meager efforts. Our random acts of kindness. Our awkward attempts at love.

***********

Dare I ask to be used some more? If God would be so gracious, I say yes.

Family First Friday's (on Saturday!)

2009-06-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my 7 year old, complained off and on that his stomach hurt. Not knowing what to do for him, and not thinking that it was anything that required a doctor's visit or medicine, I had him just take some time-out's here and there. I had him sit and rest a bit. I guess 'rest' wasn't helping because he came to me later in the day and said, "Mom, can I call Dad?"

"Sure Bud."

He left his dad a message: "Uh, Dad. I just wanted to say 'hi'. I hope you come home safely. And will you pray for me? My stomach hurts. Bye."

A couple of hours later, my husband returned his phone call. From what I could gather, their conversation went something like this:

"How you feeling, Paul?"

"Better."

"Does your stomach still hurt?"

"No."

"Well, I prayed for you."

"You did?" his eyes wide with amazement.

"Yep. God listens to our prayers and He answers them too. I'll see you when I get home."

After the good-bye's were said little Paul hung up the phone, looked at me with eyes full of the knowledge that his Dad loved him, and said, "He prayed for me and I'm all better!"

Little Paul learned three things yesterday:

He can come to his dad for prayer and his dad will pray.

God listens to us when we pray to him. And,

God answers prayers!

Do your kids know about the power of prayer? Do they know they can come to you with their prayer requests?

Yesterday's event opened my eyes to the reality that my kids trust us and depend on us to be there for them. I hope we never let them down.

Lord, I want my children to know that they can always come to us with their prayer requests. No matter the request and no matter their age. Bless us with wisdom to pray for them and with the time to give to them. Make us approachable and kind and easy to talk to. Father, shield them from the lies of this world that would tell them that their parents don't care and don't understand. Amen.

Summer Book List

2009-06-06T15:19:00.001-07:00

I'm putting together my summer book list. So far, all I have is The Time Traveler's Wife.

What will you be reading? I'd love some suggestions.

Family First Friday's

2009-06-05T08:23:00.001-07:00

I've been spending a lot of time thinking of ways to encourage my family to serve one another. To think of each other first. I've been noticing a lot of selfish behavior. Mostly on my part as I continue to struggle with wanting "comfort". Basically, I want my family to revolve around me! Well, wouldn't you know it, the consequences of my attitude have trickled down to the young ones.

This morning, I realized that there's a fine line between making your child feel special and making him think he's special. Indeed, our children are special. A day doesn't pass that I don't tell my kids how much I love them or how proud I am of them, and compliments are always being paid for good behavior, jobs well done, good choices, kindness and sharing... good looks. Yet, just a short while ago I had to tell my 7 year old this shocking truth, "you know" I said, "you're not so special and not so important that mommy needs to change her plans to make you happy!"

Ouch. As I looked into his eyes welling up with tears, I knew that that truth was as much for him as it was for me. I'm not so special, and definitely not so important, that my family, that this world, needs to revolve around me.

You see, I want my kids to know they're special because God created them. They're also special to me. They're also special individually because they're unique. But, and that's a big BUT, they're not more special than others. They're not so special that their needs and preferences should come before others.

I'm not so special that my needs and preferences should come before others.

I was remined today, that one of the ideas behind "Family First" is not only to put the family first, but to put the members of the family first. I need to constantly be thinking of ways that I can serve my husband and my children - even if it means I have to give up more of me.

How do you serve your family?

My Reality Homeschool #5

2009-06-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

When life gives you a storm, do school.

I have to be honest, I didn't have anything planned for school this week. I figured we would just play games and read. Besides, there were only 3 days of school this week. In fact, today is technically the last day of our school year.

So, imagine my delight when the sky started rumbling and the rain started pouring! I instantly had things to teach.

On United Streaming we watched videos about stormy weather and our trusted encyclopedias filled in the blanks.

Paul wrote about what he sees and hears during a storm and did "Thunderstorm Math" for math. I had Anna paint me some stormy clouds and I numbered them from 1 - 10. Paul would randomly select two clouds at a time, write out the number sentence, and then add or subtract. For the answers he didn't know he used his calculator.

And my favorite part... we painted with rain! I had the kids go outside with some cups and collect rain water. Then they painted. They loved painting with rain!

And now, because I'm feeling all theme-y, I'm trying to think of some ways we can use this weather to make our family night extra stormy. Any ideas?

Just for the fun of it.

2009-05-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

I'm jumping on the dossier bandwagon. It's just too fun not to do. I read April's dossier and I just knew that I wanted to write one too!

Here goes...

Dossier: n. A collection of documents about a particular person, event, or subject.

Looking Glass Powers:
The ability to turn any situation into an exciting adventure.
The ability to turn her living room into a live concert in which she and her kids become the live entertainment. HSM3 will never look as good as it does in her living room. Watch out Disney.
The ability to turn any blank piece of paper into a whirlwind of bubbles, lines, and boxes - all of which get filled in with IDEAS. After which she proceeds to create an entire organization, structure intact.

Dress-up Closet:
Believed by herself to be more of the lower-maintenance type, the closet is filled with practical, no-thrill, on sale items often bought at Target or Old Navy. Of course, this could also be the result of being a stay-at-home mom. Who knows!

Disguise:
Red patent leather high heels and eyes painted dark and smoky. This alter-ego is confident, sexy, and ready for anything. Don't plan a night out with this brunette bombshell or you'll find yourself on a stage dancing with Justin Timberlake. Fo' real!

Go-To Gadget:
Never underestimate the power of a pen and paper.

Vice:
Dark chocolate bars from Trader Joe's right out of her freezer. There's nothing as delicious as a frozen chocolate bar melting in your mouth. Sweet goodness...

Magic Potion:
Cazadores margarita with a splash of Chambord, on the rocks, no salt - any occasion.
Chai Tea Latte, one less pump, 1% milk (only from Starbucks) - cold evenings and only in the company of a coffee drinker.
And if you want a more serious, sentimental side of her... wine will get her there.

Battery-Recharge Hub:
Home alone in a clean house with complete silence. Book optional.

Owner's Manual:
Historical fiction and/or non-fiction. It's not so much that there is much to learn from one who has gone before, but that there are timeless truths that can neither be changed or erased by the passing of years or the influences of a generation. She likes to be reminded of those truths and inspired by men and women who dared to live.

Weapon:
Her heart. Passionate, quick to forgive, resilient, and sensitive to the suffering of others. If given a chance to love you - it will give you everything its got.

How She Gets to the Lane:
White GMC Acadia, windows down, stereo thumping. You better believe she's singing out loud.

Secret Ambition:
Loves the song... "give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one ambition for my life, to know and follow hard after You (God)..."
On a much less realistic side... professional dancer, world traveler, winery owner, and ranch dweller - miles away from people and places.

There you have it. My dossier.

Family First Friday's

2009-05-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

There was a time when the very sight of my calendar made me cringe. Without any white spaces to cast my eyes upon I'd often feel very overwhelmed and guilty. Overwhelmed because it seemed as if I'd never get any down time and guilty because I knew that I was going to have to squeeze in some time with my kids - again. Homeschool always got crammed in. Family nights became non-existent. Date nights never happened. And any time that I did get with my kids, or my husband, I was thinking about what I needed to do to get ready for the next day. Ever been there?

Yet now, a little over a year later, I'm completely guilt-free! Not to mention, I haven't felt overwhelmed in quite some time. But that didn't happen over night. It was hard getting to a place where I'm satisfied with just being home. And even still, every now and then, I have little anxious moments - ambitious moments - untapped energy - if you will.

But I remind myself that making time for my family is easier then finding time for my family. So every month, before I put anything else on my calendar, I write in all our family stuff first. Church, small group, family night, school time, game days/performances/practices, playdates/activities/outings. And I write those in pen. (Those can't be erased, changed, or rescheduled.) Everything else gets written in pencil because everything else can wait.

I really want my kids to start living with that same commitment, so I came up with a way to include them in my calendar planning this summer. Our entire summer is being planned out on posterboards. We will have a homemade calendar for each month of the summer. We started on June today. I hope to get it done by Monday.

I promise to post pictures of the end result. Don't get any big ideas though. It's nothing fancy. I'd hate to disappoint. It's just a posterboard, afterall.

Until then... what are you doing with your family this summer?

Even the youngest should have priviledges.

2009-05-27T19:34:00.000-07:00

Having grown tired of the constant bickering between my three... who goes first, who sits where, who gets more... I decided today, while my children were arguing over whose turn it was to push the button for the elevator, that Anna (because she was the youngest) would be the all-time pusher at any and all future elevators.

You should have seen her face light up.

You see, the other two, because they're older, know exactly what they can do and what she can't do and they have seemingly made it their goal in life to remind her that

she can't do,

can't have,

isn't old enough yet,

has to wait,

is to small,

or isn't smart enough.

But now, my sweet young one has something that she can do and they can't do.

How 'bout them apples?

My Reality Homeschool #4

2009-05-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

It's learning as usual here at Casa de Blough. I do not observe 3-day holiday's. Not President's Day. Not Veteran's Day. Not MLK. Not Memorial Day. There's no specific reason why I don't. I just don't. For us, those days are just like any other day. My husband doesn't take the day off. We don't make any plans to go out of town - usually - and if we do, it's just over night some where on the Friday or Saturday of that weekend. So, we're home. Doing school.

Which brings me to this point: Monopolize on what works.

For little Paul, chocolate chips work.

Adding, subtracting, grouping, word problems... if the problem can be solved using chocolate chips, we will use them and he will solve it.

Another thing that works for math is the jumbo calculator that daddy brought home from work.

I don't know what it is about this 8 x 10 calculator but little Paul will spend up to an hour punching in numbers. Often times, I can hear him, Anna and M, off in their bedrooms, giving each other problems to solve. Just because the calculator is cool!

What works for your kids?

Just a Saturday afternoon.

2009-05-23T19:03:00.001-07:00

I love my life!

Family First Friday's

2009-05-21T16:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but there's a lot of things I want for my children that I didn't have growing up. Most of them trivial, preferences really... but some of them are really important to me. Things that I know would have made a difference in my life if I had had them. For instance, growing up I didn't have

a hero

a mentor

a favorite relative

a trusted family friend, or

a role model...

sure, I had the occasional teacher that made a difference - a teacher that believed in me... but there wasn't one person that I looked up to or aspired to be. No one that took the time to invest in me or walk with me through some of life's pivotal moments. I know I would have made different choices had I felt that someone was watching me - expecting more from me.

Of course, God's grace is so amazing that He's given me the power of prayer to ensure that my kids have those people in their lives.

I have prayed diligently that God would provide for my children relationships with people that they can trust and look up to. Young men and women who live lives I want my children to live. Young people who love the Lord and share our values and know how important it is to make a difference in the life of a child.

Over the last 4 years we've been blessed to have 3 sets of young people make an entrance into our lives. All of them faithful to the Lord. All of them intentional about sharing their lives with us. They've joined us for family nights. They've gone to baseball games and musical productions. They've babysat for us. They give hugs and high-fives. They stay for bedtime and read books. But most importantly, I know that they love our children, and for that I am thankful.

Here's one of those awesome couples!

Who do your children have in their lives? Who's their cheerleader? Their role model? Who can you trust, beside yourself, to faithfully teach your children all of God's ways?

I invite you to pray for shepherds to come into your child's life.

I don't know what happened.

2009-05-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday afternoon to Monday afternoon I got to spend a glorious 24 hours at the beach with a couple of girlfriends and my two favorite vacation companions -Cazadores and Dos Equis. I also got to enjoy uninterrupted adult conversation, a delicious dinner in front of the television, a foot massage, and the relaxing sound of crashing waves as I read a book down by the beach. Not to mention, I got to sleep in until 9:00 in the morning and watch one of my favorite morning shows, Regis and Kelly. I haven't seen that show in 5 years! No lie. And guess what? It was just like riding a bike.

Needless to say, my 24 hours of bliss brought me home feeling refreshed and energized. I walked in happy to see my children, eager to resume household responsibilities, and very willing to please my husband. If you know what I mean.

But I don't know what happened.

This morning I woke up with a pinched nerve in my lower back and a pounding headache. Both of which have made me impatient and irritable. It's safe to say that the mom that returned home yesterday is not the mom that sits at this computer today. How quickly the reality of life settles in.

Family First Friday's

2009-05-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

Over a year ago I was begging God to clear my plate. All I wanted to do was stay home. I never stopped 'doing'. Almost every day I had a responsibility to fulfill or a meeting to attend or a phone call to make or an agenda to write, a book I had to read, a playdate to go to, emails to read, reply to, or send. None of it bad, but all of it on top of taking care of my family, my first year of homeschool, and a season of counseling. Disaster loomed ahead and I could smell it. I just didn't know how to scale back.

But the Lord took pity on His well-intentioned child and answered my prayer. Not the way I thought He would, or the way I would have preferred Him to, but He answered... and just like that, I had a clear plate and no idea what to do!

Since then, I've come to realize how great it is to not have any idea what you're doing!

I've also been learning to say 'yes' to God and 'no' to me. I've learned to pray against selfish ambition. I continue to learn how to let my husband lead. I've learned how to keep quiet and be still. I'm learning that not all of my ideas need to be shared. I've learned that my kids need more from me than just my physical presence. I'm learning how to use my gifts to serve at home and from home and that my kids can serve with me. Most importantly, I've learned that God has plans for my family - not just for me.

The biggest changes have been with my desires. I desire less for me and more for my husband. More for my kids. More for my family. More for my friends and church and community. I desire to see God in others.

Now family has always been a hot button for me. I can go on and on and on about how important the family is. (But I won't.) About how important it is to intentionally build a healthy family. Yet, I hadn't been faithful in living out those convictions. I was focused on too many other things, outside of my family, to be effective in my family.

These days - on most days - my family comes first. My hope is to use this new 'segment' to encourage others to put their families first too. For me, I needed to wipe the slate clean, refocus, and start over. What do you need to do?

Big or small, the changes you make today will affect the family you have tomorrow.

I'm that mom.

2009-05-13T19:44:00.000-07:00

You know. The mom screaming at the umpire. The mom pacing up and down the sidelines. The loudest clapper in the building. And if I could whistle, the mom who stands and whistles. Right into your ear.

I actually didn't know this about myself until this past weekend. You see, my kids had never really done anything that required me to display my affection and admiration in such a loud and obnoxious way. But little Paul, to my surprise, and delight, earned himself the game ball at his baseball game on Saturday.

Not only did he make three awesome plays at first base, but he also caught a fly ball (the first of the season by any player), and hit the last ball of the game deep into left field! I'm still running on the adrenaline that game produced.

So I bet you're all wondering... what did I do to be that mom? I'm gonna tell ya.

Paul was playing pitcher. We heard the bat make contact with the ball. The ball flew up into the sky, over Paul's head. Paul, eyes on the ball (proof that this was no accident), lifted his glove and caught the ball! I wish you could've seen me. Both my hands flew into the sky, fists shaking in the air, as I screamed with the deepest voice I've ever made, "That's my boy!!! I said that's my boy!!" I then proceeded to clap on and off for the rest of the inning.

I know. Big deal, he caught a ball. But you got to realize, this catch was made by a boy who just two weeks ago cried like a big baby at the park because he couldn't catch the ball. No lie. I'm sure you'll all agree that my reaction to his accomplishment was indeed warranted, if not under played.

Guardianship Update

2009-05-11T09:15:00.001-07:00

I figured it's been a while since my last update and maybe some of you are wondering what's going on. So...

We still don't know whether or not we will be keeping M beyond the end of the school year. That is to be determined by her grandmother. Our only prayer has been that the grandma make the best decision for her. We are trusting that God has plans for M, and whatever the outcome, we know that God will be with her.

Meanwhile, there are a lot of lessons being learned from M being with us. The biggest and most freeing lesson has been this:

God wants to use my children.

I don't know why this truth never occurred to me before M came to live with us. Had I known that God was so intent on using my children I don't think I would have worried nearly as much as I did. I remember being so fearful for my children when we decided to take on the responsibility of caring for M. I worried about how her presence would affect them. I worried that she would change the dynamic of their relationship. I worried that she would influence them negatively - teach them things that I didn't approve of. I especially worried that they would experience instability and because of it that behavioral problems would occur.

But none of that has happened. Instead, I have watched my children love M in ways that my husband and I could never love her. They've been forgiving and patient, compassionate and generous. They have not once complained about having to share their toys or their rooms with her, and even though they've had to give up a lot of their time with us, they do it with a glad and understanding heart. I'm so thankful to God for this. It's been amazing to watch my kids live out a life that models Christ's love for others.

In fact, just this morning, circumstances required me to have a talk with the kids about 'grace'. I explained to them that 'grace' is kind of like 'chances'. I told them, God knows that we're going to make mistakes. He knows that we're not perfect. He even knows how hard it is for M to share. But He loves her so much that He keeps on giving her - giving us - 'chances', He gives us grace. And because He gives us grace we need to give others grace. M needs us to show her how God wants us to behave.

Little Paul replied, Yeah, and M needs like 100 chances.

She sure does buddy. But that's okay. We do too. That's why we need to be thankful that our God is a God who forgives.

I never thought that God would want to use my kids. It brings joy to my heart knowing that His plans for M included my whole family. All of us, from youngest to oldest, have been used to fulfill His purpose.

Do you believe that God wants to use your children too? Where, and with whom, can they share the love of Christ?

Lord, thanks for all of everything.

2009-05-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday while I was walking through and around my house picking up odds and ends, clearing up clutter, lining things up - making the house look 'put together' - I was suddenly overwhelmed with thankfulness. Moved to prayer.

So, I got out my journal, stepped out back for some quiet, and started thanking God for all of everything. For my house. For my furniture. For my odds and ends. For my yard. My faithful husband, my healthy kids, my friends. I couldn't stop thanking Him for all of everything. How blessed I felt, in that one moment, to have a home. A house. A house with carpeting. A house with rooms and a working toilet. A house with a roof! I know, this may seem a little extreme, but like I said, I was overwhelmed.

Then, as suddenly as I was overwhelmed with thankfulness, I was overwhelmed with grief. I remembered what Ecclesiastes says, "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." The knowledge I had of how blessed I was, how extravagant my lifestyle had become in comparison to most, had burdened my heart with grief over my selfishness and greed and discontent. Quickly, I began to pray for our country.

Why our country? I don't know. Maybe because tomorrow is the National Day of Prayer and I had been thinking of it and planning out my prayers. Or maybe because I knew that I identified with my country - the selfishness and greed and discontent. I'm sure it was because of both. But I prayed for this country. This land of plenty in a world of poverty. This land of freedom in a world of bondage. How do I reconcile my selfishness with the homeless? How do I reconcile my greed with the poor? Or my discontent with the hopeless?

My prayer for this country was for its people. That the people of this country would stop taking and start giving. That they would stop wanting for themselves and start wanting for others. That instead of not being content with what they have, that they would not be content with what they do. I don't know about you, but I'm not ok with doing nothing.

What will you do to help this country? Its people? I'm going to start by praying. Will you join me? Go here.

Teacher Appreciation Week

2009-05-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week. Look what me and my girls did...

It reads:

When I bloom,

Look at me and know,

That in your room,

I did grow.

Cute, huh? The kids and I have all these planted sprouts in our backyard waiting to bloom so we can transfer them into our butterfly garden and I got to thinking, how can I use some of those for teacher gifts? Well, it just so happened that I also had little clay pots hanging around in my craft box.

So... a little paint, a cute poem, and some easy gardening, and voila! teacher gifts!

Don't forget the teacher in your kid's life. M's teacher actually got choked up reading the poem this morning!

Everything Glorious

2009-05-04T12:16:00.000-07:00

This morning I read a post by my friend Dawn.

She wrote,

The earth is said to be full of His glory…. and I believe His glory is revealed in more than just blazing sunsets and rainbows.

His glory is revealed as we see human beings act in ways they wouldn’t normally do, but for God inhabiting them. His glory is seen in supernatural love for the unlovely. Persistence in the face of opposition. Taking risks in the face of fear.

Isn't that so wonderfully true? It reminded me of one of my favorite songs. Every time I hear Everything Glorious by the David Crowder Band my heart lightens and I feel so special. David Crowder sings,

My eyes are small but they have seen
The beauty of enormous things
Which leads to to believe
There's light enough to see that
You make everything glorious...

His lyrics continue on to say, "... and I am Yours, what does that make me?"

You are His. What does that make you? Do you feel glorious? I have to confess that I don't feel glorious. It's hard to imagine myself being glorious! I don't always display glorious behavior or have a glorious attitude. And I've never heard anyone gasp in my presence because I radiate glorious-ness. But that song reminds me that God makes everything glorious. Even me. Even you. Doesn't that just bring a smile to your face? I'm giddy just thinking about that truth!

Where do you see God's glory?

Closed for Kisses

2009-05-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

"Anna, give mommy a kiss."

"Nope."

"Ahhh... c'mon. I want a kiss. Just one."

"Nuh-uh. I'm closed for kisses."

"Closed for kisses?! Well, when do you open?"

"In two days. I'm closed."

Where does she come up with this stuff?

For my fellow Zac Efron fans...

2009-05-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

My Reality Homeschool #3

2009-04-26T17:01:00.000-07:00

Spring Fever

Dreaded March. Dreaded April. Homeschool moms, you know what I'm talking 'bout...

Every spring, like clockwork, homeschool moms across the nation find themselves rocking in a corner wondering why in the world anyone would ever think that homeschool was a good idea. Why Lord? Why? And then you see 'em... the white flags... moms surrender, they pray for summer, they start planning the next school year, without kids at home - public, private... at this point in the year it doesn't matter, just never, ever ask me to teach these kids again!

This is no joke. It is a real phenomenon. Fortunately, for most homeschool parents this is just a phase. A moment of weakness. We collect ourselves and move forward and then bask in the blessings of summer.

Personally, I start questioning whether or not my kids have learned anything or whether or not they're missing out on something and some days even convince myself that next year I'm not homeschooling. I can't explain it. On March 1st all the confidence I started with at the beginning of the year is gone. And spring break doesn't always cure it.

But there's hope, homeschool mom. There's hope.

I sat down this week to do my lesson planning for the next two weeks and, as is my custom, reviewed the attendance period. Guess what I discovered? March and April were our most productive months of the school year!! What? I'm not a failure?

Yep. Turns out that March and April lend themselves to an array of learning opportunities. In March you got the first day of Spring and St. Patrick's day. Not to mention, March is National Nutrition month, in which we learned about the food pyramid and did lots of fun activities (cooking, shopping, art) with the 4 food groups. Then in April there's the Christian holiday's, which of course celebrates Easter. So much can be accomplished with bunnies, eggs, and jellybeans! But let's not stop there... there's also Earth Day and Take Daughters and Sons to Work Day in April - both of which we observed.

If I may, a few highlights:

We planted a butterfly garden and are currently waiting for the seeds that have sprouted to bloom. Hence, our Garden Journal for science.

We went on a fieldtrip to the Carlsbad Flower Fields with a group of homeschool families. Amazing educational program. Amazing.

And surprisingly, Paul's baseball games are considered 'school'! That's right, baseball counts as either a Life Skill (P.E.) or a Special Interest. How great is that?

So I bet if you went and took a gander at that lesson plan book of yours, you might discover that the reason you want to shut school down is not what you thought. In fact, could it be that you're just overwhelmed by all the learning you're accomplishing!

How's that for a new perspective?

They Love Their Daddy

2009-04-25T10:31:00.000-07:00

Driving into our neighborhood:

"Mom, is Dad gonna be home?"

"I don't know Paul. We'll see when we get to our street."

"Momma, is Daddy home?"

"Anna, what did I just tell your brother? I don't know."

Turning onto our street:

"Mom, do you see his car? Is Dad home?"

"Mommy, is Daddy home? Is he?"

"Yep, there's his car. See it?"

"Oh yeah! I see it! Anna, do you see his car?!"

"I SEE IT! I SEE IT!"

Screaming. Shouting. Cheering. Hootin' and hollerin'. All the way up the driveway and into the garage.

Dad walks out to meet us:

"Daddy!" Anna runs and jumps into his arms.

"Hey Dad! Guess what?" High fives (cause he's a big boy now).

I love it. I love how they love their Daddy.

I'ts (Not) All About Me

2009-04-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

So it's been a pretty lame week. I've mostly been down. Easter wasn't the celebration it should have been. There wasn't an "all the family is together" dinner. Things have just been kind of blah. Or rather, I've been kind of blah.

There's also been the continuing situation with M. I've been feeling discouraged and defeated. I know, without any details it'll be hard for you to understand, but I've been asking myself, "Is it worth it?" Is she worth it? Of course the answer is yes, but when it's gets hard - when it gets personal and I'm attacked or talked about or unappreciated - when I become the "enemy", I start to question the battle I'm fighting. I want to give up. I want it to be over. I just want it to be easy.

Why is it always so hard to do the right thing?

Well, it didn't take too long for God to set me straight. First and foremost he reminded me of this, "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven..." Matthew 5:11-12

I can rejoice and be glad!? Ha!

But my scoff was handled promptly... this morning he told me this, "My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciples." John 15:8

Yep. The insults. The persecution. The evil words said against me. All of it is a season that God wants to use to produce fruit. But not for me. Not so that I look good. Not so that I'm praised or noticed. Hear this friends...

It's not all about me. It's not all about me being comfortable. It's not all about me having it easy. It's not all about me being praised and appreciated.

It's all about Him. It's about living a life that brings Him Glory. It's about being obedient. It's about having the right attitude. It's about humility. It's about love. It's about sacrifice and suffering. He wants others to see Him in me!

Well, that's a task I can't accomplish in my own strength or by my own will. So I take a deep breath. I surrender - again. And I wait for the harvest. The sweet and delicious harvest! Now that's something to rejoice and be glad about.

I'm supposed to be on vacation.

2009-04-09T13:28:00.000-07:00

Here's the deal...

Our vacation turned into a stay-cation. You know, when you go on vacation but don't go anywhere. You stay. Long story short, it's my husband's fault. Straight up, I ain't gonna lie to you, it's his fault.

Husbands, when you take a vacation you need to realize that staying home for you is a vacation but staying home for your wife is not a vacation. Nothing about her week changes when you stay home for vacation. She still has to clean. She still has to cook. She still has to hassle with the kids. It's just not a vacation.

But I'm not complaining. So far we've had a pretty fabulous stay. Details to follow. Yet right now. Right this very minute. I am extremely frustrated! My husband is golfing for the next 5 hours and I'm stuck at home with the kids with no where to go because I can't find my keys! I can't find 'em. Looked everywhere.

Sooooooooo... here I am, on my stay-cation. Bored. Pissy. Annoyed. Resenting golf. On the verge of a claustrophobic melt-down.

Help me.

On A More Serious Note

2009-04-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

Behind all of these silly and random posts I've been spending a lot of time reflecting. Reflecting on the past year. Recalling my childhood. Thinking about my brother. Praying about our situation with M. And I've been trying really hard to put it all together in a neat little post. But it's like a bowl of noodles - it's impossible to find a start or end to any noodle!

So I'm just gonna start writing out my noodles.

I have to be honest with you... I've always been kind of flighty. Not in the ditch my friends kind of way - cuz' I'm loyal as a dog - but in the I can't make my mind up sort of way. I'm indecisive. I change my mind a lot. It's hard for me to commit to something. I've always felt like a jack-of-all-trades. I've never really had a niche.

And I'm positive it has everything to do with my childhood. Living out life was never really modeled responsibly for me. I've always had to figure stuff out for myself and what usually happened was... life. Life happened. Life took me here and there and sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't.

Yet somewhere along the way, in the wonder of God's grace, He took a lot of bad decisions and turned them into blessings. He gave my life purpose and meaning. Everything I never knew I wanted He gave to me. That's how awesome He is!

So when I found myself in a season of suffering this past year I knew He wasn't punishing me. An awesome God wouldn't do that. I knew He hadn't left me. An awesome God wouldn't do that either. He was building character and strength and endurance. Because He loves me He's been molding me and reshaping me for a new purpose. And I have to say...I am so darn excited to be getting the heck out of that valley. It was lonely there!

Now I find myself standing at the foothill of a mountain and God's asking me to climb it. The path isn't marked and there's no way to see beyond the next 20 feet or so - but I know He's going to walk with me. We're going to climb that mountain together. And when I get to the top I'm going to know that the journey was worth it. What an adventure we're going to have - me and Jesus!

*******

I know that last paragraph didn't tell you much but I want to save the details (as much as I know) about my 'new purpose' for a follow- up post. I have so many more noodles to share!

For now, just know that I'm busy getting ready for the climb. I promise to let you know when I start.

In The Motherhood - the TV show

2009-04-03T17:11:00.001-07:00

Last night I got to watch the new show on ABC - In The Motherhood. Majorly bummed that the show wasn't what I was hoping it would be. The biggest disappointments:

Unionizing nannies? Not too funny. Unionizing moms? Funnier. Imagine if we were unionized? Dude, Target would be at our mercy!
Interracial couple? Not edgy. Making whoopie in the afternoon while the kids roam the house? Now that's edgy.
Nannies? Are we in the mother hood or the nanny hood? I mean, I know nannies live in some mother hoods, but I want a show that is going to reflect the day-to-day drudgery and joys of mothering. There's some funny stuff going on in our homes. Like wouldn't it be hilarious if a group of moms got together and tracked their mileage for a week and the mom who drove the most miles got treated to a night out by her friends? Hey, that's not a bad idea. Anyone up for the challenge?
Nannies. (Again.) Why is the assumption that moms who have nannies don't know their kids as well as the nannies do? Does this offend anyone who has a nanny? Cuz' I was kind of offended for you.
The single mom. Why does she have to be the rebel? Single moms, do you take offense to that stereotype?

Lastly, I'd just like to say... where's the blood, sweat, and tears ABC? Where's the laundry pile-up and the insane school project that's due tomorrow and the overflowing toilet and the time-outs and the burnt dinners because you forgot to take the chicken out of the oven and the dog poop in the middle of the hallway? What about the PTA mom who's trying to organize teacher appreciation week all by herself? Or the soccer mom who has to live with 4 dirty and smelly boys? Or what about the homeschool mom? Huh? Where's my character ABC?

Friends... moms, something needs to be done. For far too long our job has been unrealistically portrayed on TV sitcoms. I mean, really, do any of us wake up with make-up on? Are our houses always clean? I wonder, what's the percentage of moms in America who have a nanny anyway? Is having a nanny on a sitcom supposed to make those of us without a nanny wish we had a nanny? I don't get it.

I realize this post posed a lot of questions. But I had a lot of questions! Tell me, does anyone out there have answers?

I Heart Trader Joe's

2009-03-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

It's true. I love shopping there. I always feel so Wholesome. Happy. Healthy.

It's quiet. It's clean. It feels like time stands still when I'm there. The people who work there are friendly. I smile without effort when I'm there. I want to engage everyone I see in a conversation.

Hi. Oh, good choice. Have you tried their enchilada sauce? You won't make enchilada's without it ever again. Have a great day!

And I'm proud of the food I'm buying. My whole day is just different after a shopping trip. Even now, one hour later, I'm still giddy about my experience.

Thanks, Trader Joe's.

My Reality Homeschool #2

2009-03-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

Reason why you should not homeschool your children - #1

Your child(ren) will inevitably prove your toughest critic right.

Over these last couple of months I've had an opportunity to build some relationships at M's school. One of those relationships has been with the principal. She's familiar with our situation and is always checking in on us. She really is fantastic! I've even had the pleasure of discussing our school choice with her. She was very curious about our decision to homeschool. Very.

Which brings me to my point - your child(ren) will inevitably prove your toughest critic right.

(And you thought this post was going to be about mother-in-laws, didn't you?)

I was talking to the principal a couple of weeks ago - the kids were supposed to be sitting down waiting for me - when M walks over to me and says, "Aunt Lisa, Paul choked me."

Great. Just great.

I turn around to see that my homeschool-ed son is sitting down with one leg up and one arm draped over his leg... his baseball hat is turned sideways like a modern day thug and he has a look on his face that says what? What you gonna do about it?

I tell you the truth friends, I wanted to smack that smug look off his face and send his hat flying across the office! How dare he embarrass me. Doesn't he know that he represents hundreds of homeschool families throughout Riverside County? Urghhhh! So I swallow my pride, address the obvious issues, and end my conversation with the principal. Even though I desperately wanted to redeem myself by having him recite to her his addition facts and share with her everything he knows about ancient civilizations.

All I got to say now is, thank God he wasn't wearing his pajamas.

In The Motherhood

2009-03-28T12:25:00.001-07:00

Did anyone watch it? It's a new sitcom on Thursday night television. I had every intention of recording it but totally forgot to. My husband told me that everyone was saying it was a flop. But I don't know if I can trust him. First of all, my husband told me... that's our first clue. Second of all... everyone? Who's everyone? Exactly.

Anyway, I was thinking about that sitcom today as I was living out motherhood. I was thinking, I have a story for them. Maybe they want to know what happens in my hood? Maybe they have people working for them whose sole job is to weed through all the mommy blogs in the webosphere and find storylines for their show. Maybe they're stealing all our stories! Well, just in case they are out there, sniffing around for their next plot, I thought I'd give an example of how my hood rolls.

You never know, they might use my crush on Justin as a Mommy Makes Her Husband Take Her to A Justin Timberlake Concert for their Anniversary plot.

OR, they could use my love for HSM3 and Zac Efron as a Mommy Reverts Back To Her Pre-teen Years plot. Complete with a door full of posters and the school folders with I Love Zac written all over them. Only this has-been-pre-teen is not 13 and she can drive...

while listening to the HSM3 soundtrack! And I don't mean that the soundtrack is playing on the back speakers of the car so only the kids can hear it. I mean we bump the soundtrack on all speakers - with the windows rolled down (per request of my 4 year old). In fact, the bumping and thumping is so loud that the car speakers audibly vibrate and should an officer need to pull me over I would have no idea because I wouldn't be able to hear his siren and I'd end up being the next highway car chase you see on Channel 7.

Oh, and all of us sing at the top of our lungs and all of us get our groove on. Minus my husband, of course. He'd be horrified if he saw me driving around town with the windows down while I blasted HSM3 and his wife and kids bounced their heads and popped their shoulders. Well, he's probably going to be horrified when he reads this too. I mean, he's used to our dancing around the house to music - using hair brushes for microphones and broomsticks for guitars and the TV screen for a mirror - but dancing in the car? Completely foreign to him. Poor guy. He has no idea what he's missing keeping his hair all gelled up and neat.

So tell me, what's happening in your hood?

My Reality Homeschool #1

2009-03-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

The Backdrop

Before I can begin to post anything about homeschool I want you to know something.

There are a lot of things that homeschool is but only one thing that it isn't - and that's school. Homeschool is not school. I know we call it home school but I would argue that whoever coined that term set all us homeschoolers up for some serious controversy.

You see, there's nothing real school-like about homeschool. Isn't that one of the reasons why we have such a hard time imagining homeschool could work? I know it's been one of my doubts. In all honesty, that's been the hardest hurdle for me to jump over. I've needed to let go of the traditional image of school. I don't have a classroom. There aren't desks lined up in my living room or carpet squares spaced out in a reading corner. I don't have a focus wall or the alphabet and a number line stretched out across the edge of my ceiling. I don't give out homework or schedule in a recess. I've had to continually let go of the idea that homeschool has to be school. It's not. (Believe me, I've tried.)

It's more like home-learning. My kids are learning at home. They're not going to school at home. More and more, this little idea of mine, helps me keep things in perspective.

I want to believe, and I want my kids to know, that learning isn't confined to a classroom. I want to believe that learning can happen anywhere. Even at home.

With that said, I want you to know that My Reality Homeschool posts will be my reality. I hope that you will share your reality too.

Here's to homeschool!

Tough Decision

2009-03-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

Quite some time ago I blogged about my crush on Justin. Justin Timberlake. That's right. He wants to dance with me.

Then I blogged about how much I love High School Musical and how fantastic HSM3 was and how Justin better watch his back cuz' Zac Efron was totally on his way to replacing him as my dance partner. Have you seen his moves? Boyfriend has mad sexy moves. Mad sexy!

But I don't want to get off track...

So, last Thursday I went out and bought HSM3 "for my kids" and "they've" already watched it 4 times. I, on the other hand, being the adult mother that I am, have only watched it once as a favor to them. They begged me to spend time with them. I couldn't say no.

Oh, alright! You totally got me pegged. With or without the 'quote-unquotes' I'm not kidding anybody. I bought the movie for me! (But my kids were the perfect excuse.) I've watched it 4 times in less than a week (and only 2 of those times were with my kids), I've YouTubed dance scenes for the mere pleasure of watching Zach get his groove on, and I've publicly embarrassed my husband with my pre-teen dramatics.

By the way, I totally wish life was a musical. Imagine?

But back to Justin and Zac. I can't decide. Justin or Zac? It's killing me.

Maybe these will help me decide: (pay close attention to the moves - it's the moves that we want to pay attention to - the moves)

And this one: (this shows Zac's thrusts and pelvic skillz - you just got wait for 'em)

So there you have it ladies...

It's hard to decide, huh? If it weren't for Zac's thrusts Justin would win hands-down. Hands-down.

What do you think?

Guardianship Update

2009-03-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot of activity these past two weeks regarding our situation with M. Hence, the reason for my sporadic posting. Fortunately, there is some rest in our very near future. As soon as the dust settles, and I finish processing everything that has happened, I hope to start writing everything I've been promising to write!

So let's see... how should I catch you up to speed?

Basically, our situation has been entirely flipped upside down. Our case was transferred to San Bernardino County. Our guardianship hearing was vacated (meaning, it's no longer an open case). We are without a social worker. There are some extra "players" involved. Our last hearing could have possibly ended it all had we known that just one piece of paper would have made all the difference. And now, June 8 (our next court hearing) is the date that we're rooting for. The next potential end all. Hopefully.

We have lots to pray about. Lots. L - O - T - S... lots. And still, spelling it out is not a sufficient way to communicate lots. Really, lots is an understatement. When I say lots, I mean A LOT. Do you get it, or do I need to emphasize lots a little more? (By the way, should lots have an apostrophe?)

What it all boils down to is this... do we fight? Do we fight for her?

Is God asking us to fight?

...long exhale...

I never should have posted that darn post!

2009-03-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

See previous post.

Not even 24 hours later and God was using all those words against me. All of them.

Here's how it went down...

I was running on Monday morning, thinking about nothing, listening to music, when I heard (in my head), there's a reason why obedience requires faith... most of us, if we knew what God was expecting from us, would selfishly choose to disobey. Wow! Right?

So I get home, all impressed with myself, for having thought such a fabulous thought, and blogged about. I know, I can be a little arrogant.

Then Tuesday came and...

God layed out another piece of his plan for M and what He's expecting us to do for her. And guess what? I didn't want to do it. Before my conversation with the social worker even ended I was thinking to myself I don't want to do this... this isn't what we signed up for... doesn't anyone know what kind of burden this will place on our family?

It's an unsettling feeling to know that I have to live out the words I so boldly wrote. And truthfully, I don't regret posting that post. If I hadn't I might not have been be able to write this:

By faith, we will do for M all that God is expecting. It's our Dangerous Surrender.

Faith

2009-03-16T09:36:00.001-07:00

There's a reason why obedience requires faith.

Most of us, if we knew what would be expected of us, would selfishly choose to disobey.

God is so smart.

Sensitive to our desire for comfort, He gives us only small glimpses of His plan at a time. Any more than that and we might self-collapse under the paralyzing knowledge that we are not as faith-filled as we thought we were.

Slowly, gently... He builds our faith so that through it He can move mountains.

Because of Trouble

2009-03-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

You won't believe the week we've had.

We've been harrassed. Accused. Threatened. Blamed. Lied about. Yelled at. Bullied. And hurt.

But this is the cost, friends, to follow Jesus. In fact, it's promised. Persecution is promised. Trouble is promised.

...there will be many troubles on our way to the Kingdom of God. Acts 14:22

Yet still I will proclaim His goodness!

Because of trouble my marriage is stronger than it's ever been.

Because of trouble peace overwhelms me, joy overflows, and love endures.

Because of trouble my faith is strengthened.

Because of trouble God's church can encourage, support, counsel, and provide.

Because of trouble God is glorified.

Because of trouble His faithfulness, mercy, and grace reign.

Because of trouble I am protected.

Because of trouble I am blameless - defended by God against my enemies.

And though it seems as if the worst is yet to come...

Because of trouble I can expect victory!

It's hard to believe that from so much trouble so much good can come. Still, what has already been given and the promise of what I've yet to receive keeps me going. The race continues.

There she goes bragging again.

2009-03-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

Except this time it's on my husband.

Want to know how he spent his Sunday? He spent it without me and without our kids. That's right. He sent me away for the day. A day for me. Then he sent our kids to Nana's house to spend the night. Pretty good day so far, huh? But it gets even better.

He chose to love the least of these.

He spent the entire afternoon and evening with M. Just him and her. They went shopping together. They walked the dog and went to the park. They ate dinner together. He played video games with her. He even gave her a bath, brushed out her hair, and put it up in a pony!

And the icing on the cake? The next morning he asked her if she had a good time with him. To which she replied, "Yes!" "Me too," he said back, and then kissed the top of her head. Doesn't that just bring tears to your eyes?

In six years M has never known the love of a father. Never. I think Sunday might have been one of the best days of her life. What do you think?

For My Soul Sista

2009-03-07T17:52:00.000-08:00

Find the story behind Soul Sista here.

There's not much about me that I keep private. For the most part, I'd say I'm an open book. Yet, there are a few things that I don't like to put out there. Silly things. I have no real reason for keeping them to myself other than I don't want to look like a fool. However, my soul sista is one of the few - maybe the only one - who ever gets to hear all of my off-the-wall ideas/dreams/goals. She's safe because I know that if I share with her my latest scheme she doesn't ever expect me to follow through. Not that she doesn't support me. She just knows that I'm great with coming up with ideas but horrible with the follow through. I run no risk in disappointing her because I know that she knows that I'm just a rambling fool. Besides, I know she'll forget I told her anyway!

All of that to say, I'm going to share one of those things I never talk/write about.

Since high school I've had an on-again off-again affair with running. I wouldn't say that I love to run, but I do like to run. I like that feeling you get after a hard or long run - where you feel all strong and victorious and healthy. Not to mention the joy of being able to eat guilt-free! But when I'm off it's hard getting back on. This is where the prompting and planning from my soul sista comes in. She has decided that we are going to run a 10k in April. I know, not a big deal. It won't be my first and it probably won't be my last. I just hate putting it out there because what if I don't end up running it? I look like a fool.

My soul sista likes to say it out loud because she's externally motivated. (You like that Kristi?) I, on the other hand, am internally motivated and like to keep those things to myself. It's okay with me if I'm the only one that knows I plan on running a 10k. That's all the motivation I need.

By the way, did you catch that "she has decided"? Um, yeah, that's another thing you might want to know. I can be peer pressured into almost anything. Except for jumping out of an airplane or lunging to my death on a bungee cord. That's just crazy!

It's So Hard

2009-03-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

As you all know, we're in the process of getting guardianship of our step-niece. I haven't shared much about her or how we got her or what we mean when we say "step-niece" because I'm just not sure if it's appropriate yet. Besides that, the situation is complicated. It involves other people (relatives) that I really shouldn't talk (gossip) about. But oh! how I want to!

In a nutshell, the last six weeks have been hard. Yes, lots of wonderful-ness has been wrapped up in it - but still, hard. Today and yesterday especially. Can I tell you what's hard?

Loving a little girl that isn't mine - hard.

Making sacrifices for a little girl that isn't mine - hard.

Hugging and kissing (everyday) a little girl that isn't mine - hard.

Cuddling with a little girl that isn't mine - hard.

Being patient and kind with a little girl that isn't mine - hard.

Cooperating with the parent of a little girl who isn't mine -hard.

Not taking the frustrations I have with the parent out on the little girl that isn't mine - hard.

Imagining the rest of her life with us - hard.

You see, I know God has called us to do this. I know he's already prepared us and equipped us. He's not only surrounded us with the people we need but He's also provided us with everything else we need. He's been our constant source of strength and encouragement. But it's still so hard. I don't know how to make her part of our family when she's still part of another family. It's hard not to try and manufacture love. You know? Like, why can't I just say I love her and then love her? Love her like I love my kids. But it's not going to be like that. Instead, it's the daily decision to love. To choose to love.

Friends, this is going to be a long journey. But no doubt, a journey worth taking!

Was I too harsh?

2009-03-06T19:43:00.000-08:00

On my readers? You know, saying I only had one reader that cared what I wrote? I tend to write with a lot of sarcasm. It's part of my humor. Chuckle. Alas, I must learn that tone cannot always be read accurately. That's the price we bloggers pay, huh?

Please know... I know you're out there. Cuz' I read your blog too. And like you, I don't always comment either. We're homies. You and me. We cool? Right on.

Now that we got that all straightened out, I can go to bed. Sleep tight.

Unexpected Discovery

2009-03-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

A couple of posts ago I attempted to involve my readers in the content of my blog by asking them to tell me what they thought I should write about next. To my dismay, I discovered that I had only one reader. Or, worse yet, I had only one reader who cared what I wrote about. But I'm a trooper. I'm not gonna let that small detail distract me from writing. Instead, this post is going to be all about my dear reader and what she wants. And what she requested first is to know about my two new segments.

Since I'm not one to disappoint I'll just jump right in to it. First off, I'm only going to share my plans for the two new segments. I'm not going to start them right now.

I want to start a segment called Family Tip Friday. I'm big on family - real big - like soap-box big, (so don't get me started,) and I thought it'd be nice to share my ideas, tips, encouraging thoughts, resources, book reviews, and give you all a peek into my household. I'm working on getting all my ideas/materials organized so as soon as I can get my head on straight I'll be laying 'em down.

Second segment I want to run will be called My Reality Homeschool. I'm always thinking, I wonder how everyone else does homeschool? Does it happen in the kitchen? Do they lesson plan? Do they have a reward system? What does their kid's work look like? What are they learning about? Is there a schedule? And I wonder, do other parents wonder the same things? I'm almost certain they do. So I'm going to give it to them. The good, bad, and ugly - unedited. And if I can work up the courage and skills, maybe even through video? But we'll see about that. Definitely pictures. One thing at a time. And by the way, I'm thinking that even non-homeschoolers are interested in what homeschool looks like. Right? Well, it's everything you imagine it to be and everything you didn't imagine it to be. I know because I'm living it. Anywho... look for this little segment to be randomly inserted.

My hope is that not only will I find other parents out there who are equally passionate about their families and want to share their tips too, but that I'll also find some other homeschool parents who are willing to bare all to give me a sneak-peek into their homeschool days. Any takers?

I'll go first!

I'm gonna brag on my kid.

2009-03-04T12:12:00.000-08:00

I would like to take a moment and interrupt what would have been my post this morning to bring you a special post I'm going to call - I'm gonna brag on my kid. If parents bragging on their kids makes you gag then move along, I've got nothing for you to read today. But c'mon, we all do it, moms. It's true. We're all so proud of our offspring - growing up, taking first steps, learning how to write their names. What kind of mom would I be if I didn't brag? At least once in a while. And since I hardly ever brag on Anna I thought I'd take a moment to let her shine.

Yesterday, during a homeschool lesson, I was teaching little Paul how to make his writing more interesting by using descriptive words. We watched a short 4-min. video and then started our first activity - drawing self-portraits. I had both of the kids go take a good long look at themselves in the mirror and then I sat them down with paper and colors. I instructed them to draw themselves, using the correct colors, and then told them to write words that describe themselves around their portrait.

Here's Anna's completed work:

Big deal? Uh, I think so! It wasn't so long ago that Anna's people looked like flowers. Now they have a neck (granted the arms are coming out of the neck, but hey) and a shirt and shoes! And look at her bangs. Aren't they the most adorable bangs you've ever seen? Not to mention she correctly identified her size, hair color, and shirt color. And what about that penmanship? All of her letters are perfectly written and spaced. Totally readable. Totally cute. Did I mention she's only 4? I know, some of you out there have kids who are 3 and can do this stuff but I have to be honest, I've had moments of great worry concerning my little girl. At last, I can cast those worries aside. She's finally blossomed!

Now that wasn't too bad, was it? Just a little bragging. A little recorded memory for my sake.

An Ode to Yesteryears

2009-03-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

This morning as I was going over my to-do list for the day/week, trying to map out the most efficient way to tackle all the to-do's, I started thinking back to a time when my to-do list didn't seem so overwhelming. A simpler time. A quieter time.

Flashback 3 1/2 years:

Little Paul is 3 and Anna is 1. Both of them are sleeping and it will remain that way for the next 3-4 hours. After a full morning of running errands, stopping by a friend's house to play, having snack, playing puzzles, reading books, and eating lunch, I can finally tackle that to-do list. I make phone calls, do laundry, pay the bills, clean the floors and bathrooms, reorganize the pantry, sift through the mail, prep dinner, pick up the living room, and still, I'm left with at least an hour of "me" time. So, I curl up on the sofa, open up a magazine or book, listen to some music, maybe doze off for a few minutes. Life is wonderful!

Fast forward 3 1/2 years:

Little Paul is 7. Anna is 4. We now have a 3rd child, M, who is 6. And none of them take naps anymore. Did you read that? No more naps! I think yesterday afternoon would be a sufficient example of how the no-nap thing can erase all hope of any "me" time. At noon, Anna and I venture across town, dropping off paperwork, filling out forms, buying groceries - and all at super slow speed because Anna has to do everything all by herself! She has to buckle her own seatbelt, open the doors, put money in the parking meters, empty the grocery cart - you get the idea. Then, we rush back home, put the groceries away, I make a couple phone calls, answer a few important emails, pack up little Paul's baseball gear and then get back in the car to go pick up M at school. Then, we all get back in to the car and drive across Riverside to go get little Paul from school, change him in the car, hand out the snacks, and drive across Riverside again, to get him to baseball practice at 4:00. Then, we head home, in traffic, but still arriving home just in time to fix dinner for all the starving children and the grumpy husband. All the while, helping M with homework, listening to my husband scold Paul for who knows what and waiting for Anna to stop screaming in her bedroom because no one will play with her! Answer me, what happened to my quiet and simple afternoons!?

Maybe you're the mom of a sweet little baby and a curious toddler. Yes, sometimes that baby cries for no reason at all, at the top of his lungs, for a time longer than you think is humanly possible, and yes, maybe that curious toddler is more curious than you'd like her to be and maybe when you say no she screams at you and throws herself down on the floor in hysterics. But let me ask you this... do they take naps? Rejoice!! Those naps are a gift that should be treasured. If I knew that those naps would someday end I would have spent my 4 hours of "me" time differently. Catch my drift?

What to write, what to write?

2009-03-02T08:46:00.000-08:00

The good news? I'm not without content. I have plenty-o stuff to write about. But I guess that would be the bad news. What of that stuff do I write about first? I know! I'll let my readers decide. Here's a condensed list of stuff I could write about:

I'm finally more than 50% organized. No more piles in the hallway and we're eating on our dinner table again! Want to know how I did it?
Not much to say as far as the guardianship process goes. We're still on the same track with just one court hearing to go. However, the process has generated a lot of conflict - personally, emotionally, within our family, in our home, and especially when I get caught up in trying to plan out the future.
I've been praying a lot and God has been answering a lot. I love this journey I'm on. I'm in complete awe of his omni-ness. When was the last time God took your breath away?
Either little Paul or big Paul could easily be the star of one of my posts. I'm so proud of both of them!
There's been a shift in my heart. I have a few ideas about it. The problem is that I very rarely ever follow through with an idea. I don't know if I should share. Ughh!

And, on a lighter note:

I'm thinking about starting two new segments on my blog. Actually, I've already decided to start two new segments I just haven't had the time. And I'm kind of afraid of the commitment.
I have two drafts sitting in draftdom waiting for me to finish them.

So tell me, where should I start?

So it's been a while.

2009-02-27T13:20:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those weeks/months/seasons where everything is the same but everything is different? Where constant change becomes normal and everything is always up in the air? Ever try to tell someone how things are going but don't know where to start? Yeah. That's pretty much been my life for a year. Even now I sit and wonder where do I start this post?

I hate to bore you with a recap of my week. Although it's been very productive. And I hate to jump right in to today's news but it's so good I want to share. I want to share some heartbreak. (Don't worry, it's the good kind of heartbreak.)

Today was our review hearing for guardianship of M. We spent all morning at court waiting for our case to be called and as I sat there listening to the cases - the stories, the dramas unfolding right in front of us - I realized that God was trying to show me something. He was saying to me, pay attention because right now I have something I want you to see. Well, this morning I saw His children - all ages, male and female, black, white, asian, hispanic, old and young - lost and searching...

a victim of domestic violence - scared and homeless

children without fathers

children without mothers

children without families

single dads

single moms

abused and neglected children

a mother addicted to meth

a father released from prison wanting to make things right with his son...

and in their voices you could hear the fear, shame, guilt, hopelessness, anger, resentment, bitterness, worry, confusion, and unforgiveness. How desperately they need Jesus! How desperately I need Jesus! My heart broke for them and me. And for the first time since we got M I could look over at my husband and say that I was proud of him - proud of me - because God is using us to redeem a life. In His grace He has called M to Himself and has declared for her a new beginning. In His love He has called us according to His purpose. What a beautiful purpose to pour out the love of Christ.

The door to my heart is being flung open and let me tell you... it's a freedom that only Christ can give.

In Case You're Wondering

2009-02-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

I've had a lot of people ask me why M is in public school and my kids are not. I've also had a lot of people give me a look when they find out. What they're trying to say with their look I don't know but I'm sure it's some kind of opinion. So here it is, in case you were wondering, the reason.

School (public) is the only structure M has ever had. Before she was with us she was going to school from 7:30 a.m. until 6:00 p.m. I can't take that away from her. She has enough to acclimate to without me taking school away from her. Right now, it's the better thing for her. And I have resources available to me that I wouldn't have if I were homeschooling her. With her in a classroom the teacher can assess her needs and work with me to keep her caught up. They say that every time a foster child changes schools he/she falls behind 6 months. I want to prevent that from happening.

Will I ever homeschool her?

I don't know. If one of the short-term goals is to possibly reconcile her back to her mom, then no, I will not homeschool her. But, if this guardianship thing turns into the rest of her life, like we're planning for, then sure. If she makes the transition into our home successfully and if we keep homeschooling our own children then I don't see a reason why I wouldn't. Of course, that decision would include other factors.

Would I ever put my kids in public school?

Yes I would.

Bottom line: we're trying real hard to do what's best for all the kids. Right now, public school for M and homeschool for my kids is best. Believe it or not, with M in school all day, every day, the first part of her day is the same and she has security in that, and it ensures that my kids' day stays the same and they have security in that too. It's really giving all of us the space and structure we need to do this well.

So there you go. Straight from the horse's mouth. (I prefer if you picture me as a black stallion.)

I'm still drowning in a disorganized mess...

2009-02-18T20:17:00.000-08:00

but my perspective is better and that's made all the difference these past two days. Take tonight for example...

Family Night: Family Interviews

In an effort to get to know M better we decided to conduct "interviews." Everyone in the family answered a set of 12 get-to-know-you type questions like:

What is your favorite animal?

What's your favorite meal?

What do you like to do for fun?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What are 3 things you want to do this year?

We wanted to do something that would start to make her feel more comfortable in our home because the sad truth is/was that we didn't know anything about her and she didn't know anything about us. Imagine how uncomfortable you'd feel living in a home with someone you didn't know anything about? Well, this realization came when I found out that she hadn't been eating the sandwiches I made her for lunch because she didn't like them. I very disrespectfully assumed that she would eat whatever my kids ate. Hence, the quest to get to know her.

One of our hopes in finding out her answers to these questions is that we'll be able to show her our love in tangible ways. I'll be able to make her lunches that she'll enjoy and plan fun things for her to do and make her her favorite dinner just because. I'm so excited that I'm already planning an activity for tomorrow. Can you believe she's never done a puzzle? She's 6 years old and has never done a puzzle! She's also never been to a library but loves to read. How sad is that?

Anyway, the interviews were fun. Conduct your own. What do you want to know about the people living in your home?

Happy Birthday Brother

2009-02-15T13:24:00.000-08:00

Dear brother,

I don't know what to write that won't make me cry. There's so much that I want to say to you. Things I want you to know. But maybe I can save those things for another letter. I hate that life had a way of going on as abruptly as yours ended. It keeps me from remembering you the way I'd like to. I like to think that you know what's going on around here and that you know when things quiet down enough I do think of you. I do remember you. I do still wish you were here.

Last night I went to bed thinking about you and today I've spent most of the day missing you. Me and mom, Marcy and your girls - we'll all be here today - celebrating your birthday. I know the celebration won't be nearly as fun as the kind that you would have had, but nevertheless, it will be for you. Dad won't be here. John and Tina won't be either. But I know they're thinking of you too. Missing you. Loving you. I hope that one day God will restore our family in the way that I know you so desperately wanted it to be. He has a lot to work on. And well, everyone has to be willing. Please be patient with me. God is working on me and I'm willing now. Please forgive me for not being able to love you the way that God does. I love you in the only broken way I know how. But it's a lot.

Anyway, I hope there's some way that you get this. I love you.

Your sister

Heart Check

2009-02-14T16:43:00.000-08:00

Preface: I like to be in control. I like things to be perfect. And I border on obsessive compulsive... with some things. Translation: I come down on myself pretty hard when things aren't the way I want them to be, or when I don't get immediate results. Basically, I'm hard to please. Which is weird because I would describe myself as pretty easy going too. Hmmm? Can anyone say 'delusional'?

Anyway.

I've been having a really hard time with M these past two days. Nothing has changed. Circumstances are the same. God is still providing. I'm adjusting to the physical wear and tear of a new routine. But my house is still a disorganized mess! There are piles of clothes everywhere, toys are randomly strewn with no place to call home, closets have been torn apart because I'm trying to accommodate a whole new wardrobe - and well, that's not perfect is it? If there's anything to obsess over (compulsively) it's the mess that isn't my fault. Right? I know. Poor little girl hasn't done anything to me. Yet, I've found myself being a lot less patient with her and therefore unwilling to give her the attention she needs. Tired or not, I've been losing perspective. You see, my mental capacity for this situation has reached a brink and I've been telling myself I don't think I can do this. I'm not going to be able to love her. This isn't going to work out.

But. Those are lies. Just leave it to my 4-year old to set me straight.

Anna: M, you eat so fast! (My kids have been thoroughly impressed with the speed in which M consumes her food.)

M: (Chuckle)

Anna: M, God gave you super powers to eat fast.

Oh Lord, let me see the super powers you've given M. Help me to see her as you do. Special. Unique. Gifted. Give me a heart for her. Remove circumstances that block my vision and keep me from seeing the beauty of the child you've placed in my home. Lord, because I choose your will, I choose to love her. Fill me with your love.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm a grump in the morning.

2009-02-13T07:05:00.001-08:00

It makes me so mad to have to get out of bed. Seriously. You know this true. I've made lots of references in the past about how much I love my bed. I really do. Anyway, it always takes me at least an hour to warm up. I don't like to talk. I don't like to make eye contact. I like to have space. And well, guess how well that's going for me? Can anyone say kids?

The new addition, M, has really changed things up at home. Prior to her arrival, my kids and I had our system down. We never had to be out of the house before 8:30. And when we did have to be out it was only on Tuesday's and Thursday's. Our mornings were slow and quiet. My kids used to sleep until 7:30/8:00 and if they woke any earlier they knew that I needed some down time to get my head on straight. Homeschool gave us a lot of freedom in the morning. Depending on the day and how ambitious I felt, we could start early and finish early, or if I wanted to start slow, there was no rush to finish. It always got done. And there was a routine! I don't care what my mother-in-law thinks!! If she knew me at all she'd know that I can't function without rules or a routine.

But back to M.

I'm not homeschooling her. She's going to our neighborhood school. And so far I think the school and staff are great. Except for the fact that I have to get up and move. She has to be at the bus stop at 7:55 which means that everyone in the house has to be up, faces washed, teeth brushed, dressed, and fed, and the lunch has to be packed, the hair has to be brushed (M has long hair and I don't do hair), the back pack has to be packed, and miscellaneous time granted for fighting and whining - all of that by 7:45 In. The. Morning. Do you know what this is doing to me? I bet you can guess. And for those of you who have been doing this for years... I know I sound like a big baby. I don't care. I am a big baby.

I'm not proud of myself. I mean, it's not like I'm a teenager. I'm a mom. That's what moms do - they wake up early. So, I'll adjust. We'll adjust. Eventually, we'll settle in to a new routine and just maybe I'll learn how to love getting out of bed. Highly doubtful. But maybe.

What time do you get out of bed?

And the winners are...

2009-02-10T12:52:00.000-08:00

Please know that this was not an easy thing to do - selecting winners. What it boiled down to was me selecting those comments which had given me either an immediate solution for my current situation, or a lasting impression - something that I could take with me into the future. In all honesty, I really could have picked more than 3 winners.

But, without further ado, the winners...

1. Bekah from Atkinson... life in general.
Check out the amazing list she compiled for me. From her memories about growing up in a family of six I am inspired to celebrate the individual accomplishments and special days that each of my children bring to our family. It's been hard for us to spend individual time with the three kids. One of them needs a lot of attention. And the other two, well, we don't want them to think we forgot about them. So, I will be adopting her family's tradition of eating off the big red plate. Every time the kids celebrate a birthday, a lost tooth, or receive an award, or do something out of character or pleasing to God, or when they graduate from a grade, or hit a home run at a baseball game, they're going to get to eat dinner off the big ________ plate. (I haven't decided what color yet.) And even better, I'm hoping that after the kids get the idea behind the plate, we can all start acknowledging each other! Thanks again Bekah.
You win the $25 gift card for Friday's restaurant.

2. Jennita from The Tibbetts Five.
She makes sandwiches for the week and leaves them in the refrigerator. All she has to do is grab the sandwich, and whatever else, and she has lunches ready to go in less than five. It might sound simple but I needed to know this. Our new addition, unlike my children, goes to school every day. Do you know how much time I spend every morning making one lunch? Tomorrow I'm going shopping for a bin that I can put in my refrigerator and label lunch. I'll stock it with juice boxes, sandwiches, pre-cut fruits and veggies, yogurt/pudding - you know, lunch items... and voila one-minute lunches! Jennita, you win an appetizer card for Friday's restaurant.

3. Jenny from Runningamuck.
Jenny shared her rules for toys. You see, I've not had to make rules for toys. I have a 7-year old boy and a 4-year old girl and neither of them want to play with each other's toys. She has baby girl stuff and he has yucky boy stuff. Right? Well, our new little girl is 6 and she will play with any girl toy and any big kid toy. Now that she's blasted down that wall every one wants to play with everything and no one knows how to share. But Jenny layed it all out for me. In her home there are toys with "owners" and toys for the "community." Her rule:

Our house rule is that if there is fighting over a toy, it automatically goes to the child who “owns” it. If anyone else wants it, they have to ask the “owner” who has the right to share or not to share. (of course we always encourage sharing but we want it to be a heart decision… not a coerced event) If kids are fighting over a group toy (one with no particular owner), neither gets to play with it. It’s called Share It or Lose It.

Well played Jenny. You too win an appetizer card for Friday's restaurant.

Please check out the other players too. There were some great organization tips, family prayer ideas, chore list how-to's, discipline tips, and of course, lots of encouraging words.

These girls also posted their tips on their blogs:

Christy at Life the Wong Way
Jamie at Domestica Diva... NOT

And you can find the other comments here and here.

Winners, I'll be in touch!

Guardianship Update

2009-02-09T17:59:00.000-08:00

I know I've said that I want to be careful about what I share regarding this process, but so much of it is being used for God's glory that I want to shout out from mountain tops! How do I do that without compromising my conviction that all personal information should be kept off the world wide web?

Hmmm?

Well, since brevity and discretion don't come easy to me, I thought a list would be a great way to keep me on task.
Remember, we are currently seeking legal guardianship of our step-niece.

God has provided for every practical need. Clothes... we got tons of them. Shoes and lunch bag... just delivered on Saturday. Finances... provided for within days of requesting it. School... perfect transition. Peace... coming out our ears. Rest... don't know where it came from but we got it! Confirmation from God... you just read it.

God's church, when led by the Spirit, responds perfectly to every need. The communities that God has surrounded us with are passion-filled, spirit-led, and have performed every good work in love. I love my church!

He's building up a new generation! He's going to redeem broken lives and heal broken hearts. He's going to reconcile relationships and restore faith. He is using every circumstance for His good purpose. And through all of this He has been faithful to continue His work in me.

Praise Him!

Don't forget...

2009-02-06T11:36:00.001-08:00

I'm having a contest. Or am I supposed to say that I'm hosting a giveaway? Isn't that what it is in the blog world? Does a giveaway sound more enticing? Exciting? Either way... contest or giveaway... I'm having one.

Leave a comment here or there and tell me: how do you organize a family of five? Chores? Rooms? Meals? What traditions do you have that encourage teamwork, individual responsibility, or uniqueness?

I'll pick the 3 comments that were most helpful to my current situation and they'll win free food! At a restaurant.

I originally had declared the 12th to be the last day to enter but I'm getting anxious so I'm changing it. Hey, I can do whatever I want, it's my blog. The last day to submit your comments - here or there - is Tuesday, February 10.

WARNING - Acai Berry Evil

2009-02-03T13:37:00.000-08:00

You all know about the new super food? The Acai Berry. The food supplement that has Oprah ranting and raving and well, being Oprah. My friends, do not let Oprah lead you astray.

The Acai Berry - rich in anti-oxidants, a "natural" energy supplement and "natural" appetite suppressant, proven to flush out toxins and improve skin - all the reasons I ordered it. I figured, I don't take vitamins... maybe I should... maybe this new super food is what I need. Uh, no. No way. Not ever again. Oprah was wrong. Oh, you heard what I said. Oprah. Was. Wrong. The Acai Berry is your enemy. Especially if you already know you're sensitive to caffeine.

Take my yesterday for example:

8:00 - I swallow the Acai Berry.

8:30 - I run to the bathroom!

10:00 - My hands are sweating. I'm all jittery and I'm walking through Target like I only have one minute to shop before it closes. My stomach starts turning. My fingers are tapping the shopping cart.

11:30 - I'm breathing heavy. My head is spinning. My mind is racing. I have an urgent need to eat. There's a warm, tingly sensation running through my limbs.

I run to the bathroom!

12:30 - I'm paranoid. I seriously contemplate taking myself to the ER but don't for fear that I might involuntarily drive myself off a bridge. I make myself lay down.

I lay flat on the floor. I listen to my heart beating faster and faster and faster. I'm panting! I'm tingling. Am I having a heart attack? Paranoia peaks. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Everything is going to be okay.

1:30 - I get up off the floor. Paranoia subsides. The tingly sensation has moved down to my fingers. Breathing resumes to normal. But I'm feeling lightheaded and shaky.

4:00 - I'm still sweating. Palms, feet, and pits. I lay down again.

5:00 - The worst is over. I make plans for dinner. I will never drink one of those darn pills again. Ever.

Can you believe they suggest taking two?! Imagine?

See, this is why you never see me drinking Starbucks. This is why I don't hang out at coffee shops. This is why I only drink diet caffeine free sodas. This is why I think energy drinks are stupid. This is why I can't drink ice tea after 6:00 in the evening. My body rejects artificial energy! Well, I guess it even rejects "natural" energy sources. A curse on energy! I am mellow-yellow. Even-steven. Sleep-a-lot Susan. Easy-peasy. Laid-back Lisa. I will move at my own speed thank you very much.

Anyone got a problem with that?

Your comment might win you a prize!

2009-02-02T18:06:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

Today my husband and I were granted Temporary Guardianship of our step-niece. We're officially a family of five - again. Yes, we've been the Relative Inn over the last 4 years and have found ourselves taking people in from time to time, yet none of those situations have required us to pursue guardianship of a minor. I don't want to give too many details because nothing is "final" yet. There are still a few steps in this process and I'm not to sure how much is safe sharing. Maybe when she's all ours I'll feel different? It'll be our story. You know?

Anywho, as many of you can imagine, the sudden switch from 2 kids to 3 kids isn't exactly an easy adjustment. Especially when the newest kid on the block is 6 years old and right in the middle of the two we already have! I've heard it said... going from 2 to 3 kids is hard, but after that, it's just one more. And ain't that the truth! Don't misunderstand, under the circumstances, this transition has been gloriously smooth. Yet, the type A in me wants to

prepare

organize

restructure.

I know that most of that will happen as we learn to accommodate a 3rd child, but I'd still like to have some idea of what I should do.

That's where you come in. Maybe you're a mom or dad of 3 or more kids. How do you schedule everything? What's a priority? What responsibilities do you give to the oldest child? Middle child? Youngest? If they share a room, how do you organize their toys, clothes, crafts, homework, lunches, chores? Or maybe you came from a big family. How did your parents manage meal times? What about extra-curricular activities? Discipline?

C'mon - lay it on me. Give me your best ideas. In fact, post something on your blog and leave me the link. Show me pictures. Sometimes seeing is believing!The 3 comments I love the most win a prize. The Grand Prize gets a $25 gift card to a restaurant and the 2 runner-up's will receive appetizer cards to that same restaurant. My friends, if you know me, you already know the restaurant - but don't spoil it for the others. And don't not play along just because you know you can get free food if only you ask!

Entry date: Thursday, February 12

Okay, on your mark, get set, GO!

Family night...

2009-01-29T11:47:00.001-08:00

never looked sexier!

Ammendment to Learning From My Kids

2009-01-28T07:52:00.001-08:00

After reading my previous post, my husband suggested that I might want to clarify the 4th paragraph.

I often walk around with a broken heart, searching for a secure place, desiring attention, craving love, unsure of where I belong, and deeply scared to express my innermost thoughts.

He was concerned that I may have made myself sound, all messed up. (Presumably inside my head.) I assure you, I am not, although we're all messed up to some degree otherwise we wouldn't need Jesus. I think he was afraid you all might think that what I wrote was a description of my permanent state of being and that I would have a bunch of people feeling sorry for me. Were you feeling sorry for me?

To clarify: Yes, there are times when I am brokenhearted, lost, uncertain, fearful, or in need of a greater love. But only because I lose my perspective. I lose sight of God as my Father. What my children showed me yesterday was that they're still wrapped up in my existence. They still depend on me for provision of all their needs. They're not like the other child who is without a safe haven. And thankfully, hopefully they will never be, like me - knowing that I have a safe haven, knowing that I have a Father, yet still behaving like the other child.

Well, no more. I want to be wrapped up in God's existence. I want to be dependent on God for all my needs. I want to be childlike in the way I view God.

So, are we all squared away? I'm not crazy. You're not feeling sorry for me. Honey, did I explain myself better? He's cute to be worried, huh?

Learning From My Kids

2009-01-27T16:34:00.001-08:00

More than anything I would love to be able to share what is going on in my home right now. There is so much that I want to write! But because my better judgment will not allow me to, I will carefully share instead what my children taught me today.

Over the past several days I have been blessed with the opportunity to serve a child that is brokenhearted. This child does not have any securities. I've noticed that she is desperate for attention, in need of someone to love her, unsure about who she belongs to, and fearful of expressing any emotion other than "happy." It's no wonder I see these things in her. She is the complete opposite of my children.

My children do not live with a broken heart. They have securities. They are not short on attention. They have people in their lives who love them. They know who they belong to. And whether they are happy, sad, angry, scared, or disappointed, they know that it is always okay to speak. They have me. They have parents.

But, who do you think I identify with most?

My children? Boy, would I love to make this post short and say yes, but the answer is no.

I often walk around with a broken heart, searching for a secure place, desiring attention, craving love, unsure of where I belong, and deeply scared to express my innermost thoughts.

Yet God cries out to me. Child, bring me your broken heart. Sit beneath my wings and I'll protect you. I'm all the attention you need. Let me be your audience. My love is perfect. You won't find another love like it. Come, with me is where you belong. You can tell me anything. I am your Father.

As my children are with me, I desire to be with Him. What do you desire?

There's Never A Good Time To Have Kids

2009-01-25T14:47:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday in our small group the women got into a discussion about the "right time to have kids." It being that I'm the only mom in the group I boldly stated that there's never a good time to have kids and I went on and on with a reason why and now I don't even remember it well enough to retell. So much for being quiet, huh? Well, I'm not going back on my statement, because I really do believe that there's never a good time to have kids, but I do want to amend my reason and clarify the statement.

When parents say that there's never a good time to have kids, what they're really saying is that even with a plan - the house, the finances, the stability, God's blessing - you can never prepare yourself for the impact that that child will have on your life.

Today is little Paul's birthday and it got me thinking about how my husband and I weren't ready for him. The timing wasn't right at all. We weren't even married. I wasn't done with school. We didn't own a house. Having children wasn't even something we had talked about. Yet, it's been seven years since Paul was born and I know, without a doubt, that even if we were married and even if I had been done with school, and even if he had a room all ready for his arrival, there's still no way that we would have been ready for him. Time can't prepare you for the day that you come home from the hospital - clueless, scared, uncertain, and tired. Indeed, there are some things that you just can't plan for.

It's not until you have the child that you know how much it hurts to see your child hurt. To see him bullied or left out. Or, how good it feels to watch your child succeed. To see the artist or athlete in them. Or, what it feels like to walk away from a preschool as your child cries for you not to leave. And what it feels like when your child doesn't cry for you. All these things I know now. I know what it feels like to be helpless while your child lays in a hospital bed with a neck the size of a soccer ball! I even know what it feels like to be so frustrated that you scream and shout and scold and spank, and then feel the consequential shame and guilt. And can I get an amen for the long sleepless nights and the poop explosions and the potty training and that darn rear-facing car seat! And how 'bout a hallelujah for the first sleepover and weekend away and second honeymoon without the kids and the 7 hour school day!

How could anyone plan for all of this? At what time would any of this make parenting any easier?

Oh yes, the day will come when the bathroom is all mine... until then, I will continue to remind myself how quickly the time passes.

Happy Birthday son, mom loves you!

Shut Up and Be Quiet

2009-01-22T18:09:00.000-08:00

That's what I've been working on. Turns out, that for me, surrendering my plans to God also means that He wants me to be quiet. Still. Resting. Not doing. Not talking. Just quiet. Quiet mind, quiet mouth, quiet activity.

It's actually been pretty wonderful not having the cares of the world on my shoulders. Having to cast my cares on Him. And I have a lot of cares - ideas, plans, worries, wonders, opinions - the usual control issues over here at Casa de Blough. But I'm learning that His plans really are better. His plans really do happen when I back off, lay low, and sit quiet.

For instance, I've mentioned before how I let some things go last year. Family night is one of them. They were never over-the-top or themed or "planned out", but they happened most weeks. Simple stuff. Simple task. Yet they were simply let go. Until, I laid my cares before God and sat still. Guess what He did? He answered, not one, but two prayers!

First prayer: Lord, I want to have family nights again.

Answer: Yesterday my husband planned out our family night. He brought home dinner and cooked it and even went out and bought the kids a game for us to play. If you don't know my husband then you won't understand how big it was for him to buy a game. He hates games. Hates them. Really. Then, to top that off, he informed me today that he will be taking care of all family nights. Every. Single. One of them.

Second prayer: Lord, help me to follow my husband's lead. Deliver me from selfish ambition and restore me to my right place. My desire is to stand beside my husband as his helper - supportive and trusting of his spiritual leadership.

Answer: My husband planned out family night! And the game? Bible charades. Finished off with a Bible story and family prayer time. Who knew that all these years my husband was waiting for the same thing that God has been waiting for... for me to sit still and be quiet!

What is God waiting for you to do?

Obama's Inauguration

2009-01-20T11:32:00.000-08:00

**Please forgive my enthusiasm but this is the stuff that gets me going! History in the making folks!**

I had the unique privilege of watching the first half of Obama's inauguration ceremony at my son's charter school this morning. The teachers gathered all the students together in one room to watch Obama get sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. As I glanced over at the students my eyes welled up with tears as I considered how blessed my children - our children - are to be Americans. How blessed they are to have freedom and opportunity, education and resources. I was, and am, proud of this country today. Political beliefs set aside, today in history, the values that this country was founded on find themselves resting on Obama's shoulders and says to the world that America is still progressing.

I know the students were unable to see this inauguration as I do and although they were completely unaware of the significance that this day holds in our history, each and every one of them, the youngest to the oldest, sat in quiet attention throughout Obama's address. Our children's lack of experience hinders their understanding of leadership, equality, freedom, tolerance, patriotism, courage, responsibility, and hope. They don't understand the historical differences in race or gender. They have yet to pursue convictions outside of themselves and because they are yet to be confronted with the realities of independence, they have no reason to be excited about the new leadership that Obama brings. They have no reason to hope. No reason to be encouraged. No reason to embark on a "new era of responsibility." But their reverent attention and innocent trust made me believe this morning that we can "choose our better history." We can hope for progress. We can build up.

Only God knows when his Son will return to redeem us. Only God knows how close we are to the end. And although I hope to see Jesus come back for his people with my own eyes, I still can't help feeling a revolution coming on. A revolution in America? Maybe. A revolution in our communities? Perhaps. A revolution in our churches? I hope. How about a revolution that starts in our homes? With our children? My hope in Christ is that there will be progress. My hope is that I do build. I thank God for my country and for the freedom I have to follow Jesus. I trust His authority in this world. I trust his authority in this country. I trust his authority in my home. With Him I choose a better history.

We're Back

2009-01-18T18:05:00.000-08:00

Had a fabulous time too. Almost everything we did in Vegas - food, room, show - free! It was either expensed, vouchered, or paid for with winnings! The Penn & Teller show was amazing. Seriously amazing. We were still talking about it on our way home this afternoon. And it was great to spend some quality time with the brother-in-law and sister-in-law.

I'm rested. I'm re-energized. I'm ready, not only for tomorrow, but for the rest of the week. And tonight me and the hubby are going to spend an evening of down time watching a movie.

It feels good to be home.

Home.

I like the way that sounds.

Las Vegas Here We Come

2009-01-15T22:33:00.001-08:00

This weekend the hubby and I will be a 4 hour drive away from everything! We'll be in Vegas. We're meeting my husband's brother and wife there. We haven't seen them since Thanksgiving of '07, so needless to say, my husband is really looking forward to this trip. I, on the other hand, was not too excited about it until today. In fact, not even really excited until this evening

when the kids wouldn't stop talking and my husband wouldn't stop working and the dishes kept piling up and the bathroom floor turned into a river for the 100th night in a row because my kids won't stop pouring water out of the tub and the dog tracked in dirt - again - on my just cleaned kitchen floor

and well... you get the idea. Oh, how I need this weekend away.

Then, to make the trip even better my husband informed me that he will not be answering any work phone calls the entire weekend and our small group leaders gave us a cool lead on finding some cheap tickets at goldstar.com and now our trip just got a little cheaper because we bought discounted tickets for the Penn & Teller show on Saturday night.

And have I mentioned that my kids are so excited that we're leaving? They know that a weekend with Grammy and Auntie means movies, candy, and toys. And well, that just makes me feel all the more not guilty for leaving them!

Have a great weekend ya'll!

I still don't have anything to write...

2009-01-14T21:04:00.000-08:00

but thanks to Mrs. Dunbar, who tagged me to post the 4th picture from my 4th album, I can now post something that isn't just something.

This is my mom and her boyfriend. And since my mom will never, ever, read this, I can say without fear of embarrassing her, that she's a cougar. Rrraaar! Yes ma'am, a cougar. Her boyfriend is 15 years younger than her! But he's great. Great with her and for her. Great with my kids. Great company. Great heart. He's just plain great. Oh, and I guess my mom's pretty great too.

Something

2009-01-12T19:04:00.000-08:00

In an effort to not let my blog "just sit" I wanted to post something.

Something.

There you go.

Sorry.

I lost my momentum. As soon as I find it again I'll be back.

Back On Track... Not!

2009-01-07T16:37:00.000-08:00

I've been trying all week long to get things back on track. There are so many things I let go of last year. Me. Bedtime routines. Morning routines. Family nights. Friendships. Community. Basically, all structure, as I knew it, went out the window. I really let grief get the best of me. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you got to let things go and stand back in order to see the full picture. You know?

But this year... this year I'm all about reclaiming it. I'm ready to step in and make things happen. The problem is, I can't organize my thoughts. I have so many things going on in my head. Things to do. Things to make. Places to go. People to call. Books to read. Projects to complete. Stuff I want to write. And I can't get my brain to work! It's been so frustrating. I have all these things I want to accomplish and no starting point. Yet, as I glance down at my previous post, I'm reminded to stop relying on myself. So here goes...

God, my to-do list. Take it. I only want to do those things which are important to you. And would you please put them in order for me. I'm desperate for some structure. You know I can't function without an agenda.

On a side note, but kind of related, everything I was not planning for this week has happened. I received an exciting email with a very inspiring invitation to do something great for my heart and for my kids. I then got an unexpected phone call that built on top of that email with an invitation to join a discussion group (ie. community). Then we had unexpected visitors from some old friends pop in for dessert last night - complete with a funny story and much needed laughter! And tonight, the sweetest and youngest married couple we know, who sadly left our church last year, but whom we have kept in touch with, will be here for dinner in 30 minutes!

This is the sort of the stuff I missed last year. Thank God I'm back!

Building My Home: Step 1

2009-01-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

Now, I'm no expert on building a house, literally or otherwise, but I'm pretty sure that one of the first things you'll want to do is make sure that the builder - the person who will be given the responsibility of building your house - is 1) available, 2) capable and, 3) willing.

One of our life dreams is to one day build our own custom house. I want a wrap around porch surrounded by an English-style garden. My kitchen will be the largest room in the house and my dining table will seat 12 (because I'm hoping for a lot of grandchildren). I can see dark wood floors and warm cream-colored walls. I envision a walk-in shower in the master bedroom surrounded by cool grey stone and my feet standing on bright turquoise glass tiles. Oh, and I'll definitely need to have a library with floor to ceiling bookshelves and a large rustic table that sits right in the middle of the room. Ahhh... isn't dreaming so much fun? Considering all my "plans" I better start dreaming up a pretty good builder too!

I know that God has dreamed up the same kind of plans for me and my home. He sees what he wants my home to look like too. And it's beyond anything I could ever imagine. That's the truth. But you see, His builder needs to get it together. Am I available? Yes. Am I capable? Yes. I believe that God has already equipped and prepared me to do whatever it is he will ask. But am I willing to stop relying on my own strength?

Back at my old blog I posted an entry about three words that God had given me. They were Delight, Surrender, and Invest. I shared what God had to say to me about Delight but I hadn't yet figured out Surrender. Until now. I need to Surrender to his plans and stop relying on my own plans. I have this horrible pattern of self-reliance. It sounds like this:

I already know what God wants me to do. No, not that. This. I'll do this.

Oh, I don't need God to get through this. I can do it all. by. myself. See? See how I took care of that? And that? And this? And don't you worry about that either cause I know exactly what needs to be done.

I am smart and independent. Surely the Lord knows that I'll be just fine without him.

Oh, the lies I deceive myself with!

Wrapping up: all I need to do is stop making my own plans and start waiting on God's plans. No matter how long those plans take to unfold. I'm so excited just thinking about the year ahead!

What about you, do you believe that God has dreamed up a home for you too? What do you need to do to make his plans a reality?

Reason for the Move

2009-01-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

As stated at my old blog site, me and the red shoes were just worn out. You can only wear a pair of shoes for so long before you just get tired of looking at them, ya know? At first I thought I would just switch the shoes out, but then I realized that I'd have to name my blog Plaid Cotton Slippers or Grey Comfy Running Shoes, because you see, that's what I've really been wearing these past 9 months. Hate to spoil your illusion of me but I just couldn't hold the truth in any longer. I've become frump girl. Like Toulah from My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Anyway...

You see, I wanted a blog title that was going to be reflective of my current state of mind and being... but not frumpy like red slippers or lazy like running shoes (although they're not really lazy if I'm actually running in them)... but more symbolic... like From the Ground Up! Huh? What say you about my new blog title? Wait! On second thought, don't tell me. It means nothing to you. Yet.

Since my brother passed, nine months ago, I've been spending most of my quiet time with God in the book of Ecclesiastes. Especially in chapter 3. And this past month my heart has really been meditating on verse 3, " a time to tear down and a time to build," and I've been asking God... Lord, are you tearing down my family? What do you want to build?

He wants to build me! And yes, He wants to rebuild my family.

2008 was definitely a year of tearing down. And it's not over yet. There are still walls that need to be bulldozed and windows that need to be shattered... but who said you have to wait until the demo is done to start building? I'm ready to start turning soil and laying cement. I'm ready to jack hammer through a foundation of lies, to tear down walls of shame and guilt, to replace death with eternal life, to plant faith where hope has been lost, to bind generational sin, and to unite a divided family. I'm ready to start putting down a new foundation.

From the Ground Up.

Well, I don't know what this year is going to look like. Or, what this blog will look like. But I'm building on a theme. A vision. I like having a new focus. I'm comfortable in big pictures. I'm going to try real hard to take it day by day.

And I hope you check in every once in a while.

Happy New Year!